Torn

While I was on my way to the office earlier, I was feeling quite relieved that I have finished what I was supposed to do a week ago and can now focus on what's next on my 'to-do" list. Yet holding and looking at the tickets I was holding in my hands gave me a feeling of sadness. An opportunity to go to the province always gives me a lift and brings on a smile to my face. But this time, it's not for vacation. I'll be going home for an important matter. A heartbreaking one.

My mission? I have to bring my niece with me because she will live temporarily with my Aunt, her grandmother. Everyone in the province is excited about it. It seems I am the only one not feeling the same way. I am happy for them, though, because they will have a chance to take care of my niece who they have only seen a few times during the past 2 years. But it means I will be going back here in Makati alone and lonely. Just the thought that I would not have someone, a little angel, to play with makes me want to break down and cry. Only I choose not to, because I don't want my niece to know I'll be leaving her there for awhile. I don't want her to see me crying or else she'll come near me to give me a hug, which will only make me cry all the more and doubly "feel" the impending loneliness. I would miss her naughtiness, her non-stop talking even when all the lights are out in the house at bedtime, her spongebob-like laugh, her kisses and hugs, her charm, sensitivity and even stubbornness, and her confident model-like poses during real and make-believe pictorials!

I look forward to the time I will have to bring her back with me and I hope it will be at the soonest possible time. I am only her Aunt but it pains me just thinking about this thing that I have to do. I can only imagine how sad my sister felt when she had to leave her child to me so she could earn a living far away from here. At the moment, I am holding on to the comfort of knowing that this is what's best for us now. We'll see each other again soon. Wish us a safe trip!